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FAQ

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Is the zoo safe?

Accidents are not uncommon at Bangkok Zoo, and are hard to predict.

 

When you find yourself facing a dangerous wild animal we encourage you not to think ‘how could this have happened?’ or ‘how unlucky am I?’ Instead as you're confronting sudden calamity it can be useful to understand you’ve arrived at that point along a well-trodden path.

 

Bangkok Zoo is a large system, with a few trillion inputs at play at any given moment. Accidents can happen anywhere to anyone, and in large systems they're bound to happen with such frequency that it's hard to call them 'accidents', more like 'what happens.' 

Sure, we may have introduced into this system some variations (a wide variety of unpredictable wild animals) that could complicate daily life in the city, but our legal team has urged us to remind visitors and the general public: if accidents do happen, that can only mean they were always going to happen, to someone, somewhere. 

You're saying encounters are inevitable?

That much we do know. Serious minds have stood in front of serious equations on large chalkboards and concluded that nobody really knows what's going to happen next. Even less serious minds instinctively understand the risk management maxim "things that have never happened before happen all the time."

Best be ready for anything.

So how do I make it through the Bangkok Zoo experience?

 

As Lawrence Gonzalez finds in ‘Deep Survival,’ you might think the best chance for surviving the wild must involve training, modern equipment, years of experience -- but at the moment of truth, while those things are good to have, they aren't decisive and could in fact betray you. We’d all be better off to soon understand “it's not what's in your pack that separates the quick from the dead. It's not even what's in your mind. Corny as it sounds, it's what's in your heart.”

Why do the animals look fake?

The fidelity of the animals' appearance is the least of our concern at Bangkok Zoo -- there are too many issues that need to be addressed first.

They are in no particular order apart from descending levels of critical importance: lawsuits, animal perimeter escapes, unauthorized employee absence, professional negligence of the top committee, website creation and management, FAQ completion.

Fix these first then we can concentrate on how to make (a) the animals look better and (b) smooth over the fabric of time around them.
 

Why can the Bangkok Zoo be found at www.bangkok-zoo.com and also www.bangkokzoodotcom.com?
 
The official answer is cost management. The honest reason is unfortunately a misunderstanding of the internet domain transfer system. Mistakes were made.

 

Do you plan on expanding the art output?

The fine art department is the most serious part of the zoo and ostensibly the most lucrative operation we have, but that's still to be proven: we haven't seen a dime yet, and believe me, we're waiting.

The official literature talks of "large scale projects, enormous prints, even bigger sales receipts. We're in Miami, we're in Hong Kong. Where next? The moon!" 
 

We're waiting.


Where can I buy merchandise?

Contact bangkok-zoo.com & info.bangkokzoo@gmail.com for the latest designs and availability! With expanded operations in mind we are actively building to scale and various departments are investigating to invest in sizeable warehouse space in multiple global markets.

I heard the Bangkok Zoo photo book is "out now," is this true? How do I get my hands on one?

It's true! Contact us through the contact page and you can have one delivered to your hands ASAP.

Are you hiring?

 

Yes! Get in contact on the employee page and through all channels.

 

Current openings include positions at the top, notably CEO, COO, CFO and their respective secretaries, diarists and schedulers, and associated PR teams.

 

There are also openings in positions that may seem most ‘bottom ranked,’ but we see as most ‘room to grow’: emergency number answer machine recorder, postcard measurer, website back-end checking.

You say on the welcome page that the current sixth extinction is underway, just on a slower timeline than the 5th. Should I be worried?

Worry is a natural reaction to anticipate any bad thing, but pay it too much mind and it's a component of the bad thing itself, giving an unknowable disaster too much space before it has arrived, so it's already begun.

A global cataclysm is upon us, it's a major extinction event afterall. The world is on fire and under water, we're in a drought and under flood alert, freezing to death and burning alive. Unless it's upon you right now, best not to worry. Because it could hit like a freight train at any moment, worry about it then.

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